How ya doin’?
Dad says “our room” is a mess and I have to tidy it and Mum says you are homesick and I have to write to you. That’s simply not fair on both counts and boring to boot. You left the room in a mess. All your shit and crap thrown around the bedroom and I am left to tidy it up. That’s not fair again. Just because you have gone away to school, doesn’t mean you can just discard our bedroom and your shit. Why can’t you just throw it in the wardrobe and close the door like you normally do? Parents are hardly likely to do a bedroom check, now are they?
Anyway how is it going? What is the girl like you are sharing your room with? I wonder if she will let you be as untidy as you are in our room. Bet she doesn’t. She will be frightfully tidy and tut and raise her eyebrows when you leave as much as a sock on the floor. Maybe she will kick your arse into tidiness. Maybe not. HA!
Its quiet here. Mum keeps wondering if you are ok and if you are going to call her. Dad doesn’t say a lot. He says you will soon get over it. Will you?
He wants me to look after your rabbit. I don’t want to. I have thirteen guinea pigs of my own and that’s enough for any girl. Anyway the fox is around most nights He may well look after your rabbit permanently. Joke. Anyway I am still doing my paper round and that doesn’t leave me a lot of time to look after your rabbit and let my guinea pigs out. Why cant you take it to school? Dad says I have to put it in with the guinea pigs but he takes up a lot of room and my guinea pigs have to climb over him to get out.
By the way when I tidied up your side of the bedroom, I found a red lacy bra. I am taking that!
Keep smiling. It’s not forever – just for another five years.
Your hacked off younger sister
PS. I think the fox has eaten the rabbit so no need to worry now about him sharing with my GPs
PPS – that wasn’t a joke
Just what frick are you playing at? I have had a long and very detailed phone call from Jeremy ( as you would expect) right in the middle of tea time when I was trying to scramble some eggs and give Benjamin-his bottle. Jeremy says that you just packed your bag and left. Well, he went into a few more details about where he thinks you went and who you went off with. Look! You cant just up and leave the kids.
I told Jeremy he wasn’t to worry and as its holiday time I will take them for a week or so whilst you sort yourself out. I mean, you will sort yourself out wont you? Noblesse Obliges and all that!
I don’t mind taking the kids and of course that ruddy lion of a dog you have, because after all Jeremy has to still keep on working, but my sense of humour, such as it is currently, won’t last long if I find you have left him for good and are just having a bit of a swan song around Europe. What do you think the kids will do? Its’ all well and good saying that they are on holiday and when its time to return to school, the school can look after them but at some point you have to stop running and grow up. Anyway Miranda seems to have taken an aversion to anything warm and all her dinners have to come chilled straight from the fridge and Peter keeps locking himself in the bathroom. I am not sure why, I can only guess especially as I don’t have boys of my own but four times a day for a period of up to thirty minutes is not normal, even for your kids!
I hope to hear back from you saying you are on your way home.
Your long suffering sister
PS. Jeremy has just telephoned again. He says he has heard word you are currently staying in Hydra with the Devonshire- Morris’ . For pity’s sake girl who do you think you are? Leonard Cohen’s muse? In any case you know your skin doesn’t fare well in the hot sunshine. Wear some sun block, a hat and get the next plane home
PPS In some ways I don’t blame you. Hydra is so beautiful before the tourist season starts ( but that still isn’t a reason to cut and run FFS )
Well that’s a turn up for the book. Any book in case you are wondering. I cant believe you are writing after all this time. Must be thirty years.
What do you mean you have decided to return home? Jeremy has remarried as well you know. Fancy you being divorced on the grounds of desertion. In any case, it wont be fair to come and upset him now. He suffers terribly with his nerves of late!
Well of course I have a spare bedroom but how long do you think you are coming for? I cant turn my life around and look after you, just like that!
Your loving sister,
PS – What time does your plane land?
PPS – I have managed to get some barley sugar and they are on the bedside cabinet, awaiting your return.