I am writing this after having had a couple of ” drinkies” with Rita this afternoon. She hasn’t been well lately and so I popped over to see how she was. She opened the door with something like a Mama Cass Kaftan around her body and a feather boa tied around her neck. I wasn’t sure why. I did notice however, that every time she took a sip of her Gin, the feathers got in the way and she kept spitting them out along with a mouthful of drink. I had to keep ducking out of her range. I was wearing a rather nice silk shirt and didn’t want saliva stains ( from Rita) on it as its dry clean only! I can tell you that the drink didn’t last long that way and she must have topped it up about four times and still been stone cold sober. Not so for me….sadly!
Looking at the above picture I can remember that it was about a year ago that I wrote of a predicament I found myself in at the Synagogue. Oh, I hear you say, did you change religion, I thought you were a Christian and a Catholic at that…tee hee. Nope, I haven’t changed religion but the Local Synagogue does have 6 rather large classrooms ideal for us when we have run out of our own rooms. And run out of classrooms we have…..
However the Rabbi does have strict food restrictions in the synagogue which we really have to adhere to. Its not that he searches our bags but he does remain very sceptical about us because of a certain previous incident with Dennis Much Humper.
The reason why we have to be careful is that last year Dennis Much-Humper took in a Prawn Pot Noodle and had it for his lunch. So not only did Dennis take food into the synagogue when we had been asked not to, but he took in Prawns which as everyone knows is a forbidden food not only in the Jewish religion but most definitely in their House of Worship. Once he was found out, it left a bit of a scar on the proceedings and I had to send Vicki down to make things right with the Rabbi. So I still fear that someone will take a Pork Pie or Ham Sandwich in and upset them all over again. ( for those of you who don’t remember or possibly didn’t even read my ” earlier work” ( ha hah ) it is titled The Prawn Identity
So if you did trawl to the bottom of that previous dirge you will see why I have reason to worry.
On a plus note, it would appear that Mr Wu did miss us and has returned. He has been on coach duty this week. Coach duty means many things to many people but to Mr Wu it means making a bit of a fuss and celebration; stop as much traffic as you can and park the coach with trumpets and fanfare. We have to park the coaches at the back of a very well meaning petrol station but to do this and reverse the coach in, one of us has to take their life in their hands; stop oncoming traffic on both sides of the road and allow the coach to manoeuvre back in. This does take some time and also raises the hackles of many locals when I don my orange Hi Viz and hold my hand up . Its true that traffic does stop immediately because I simply walk out and stop in the middle of the road but I am not particularly popular and everyone wants to get on their way. And once it has stopped, then out comes Mr Wu with more hand signals and manoeuvres up his sleeve and takes over. Mr Wu just gets ” carried away” . “ Stop Stop” he shouts. No one pays any attention.
Try again” he instructs. ” Back, slowly. Slowly. Now right. Right. Right, I say” and then he switches to aviation signals and instructs them to ” shut down engines and engage the parking brake” by crossing his hands against his chest and doing a fist sign. Who knew that he was also a pilot on the quiet?
All safely parked and the kids get off and escape whilst they can. Mr Wu looks very satisfied. Another successful manoeuvre. Everything is, as he would say ” A-OK!”
The lady with Mr Wu, looking slightly nervous, is Vicki. She is on Rabbi Duty this week and lives in fear of being spotted by her Priest entering the Synagogue. We sometimes send Vicki to keep an eye on Mr Wu if he is having one of his moments.
Anyway, the Germans are back!
Mr Wu is back!
And so long as Dennis Much Humper leaves his prawn Pot Noodle in the car, we will be back!