I am doing quite well on my own and work is keeping me busy. I run between being childishly excited about the building works and lying awake at night in a cold sweat. When I discussed this with Farhad the other day, he told me that it was my age and that old woman are prone to an attack of the vapours! I am not saying I actually bristled, but I did wonder why everyone keeps saying I am getting old. As it happens, he is only 6 months younger than me, so hardly room to complain. He is a great bloke for political debates, even if he calls all the Iranian Government officials, ” Mullahs and Towelheads”
During the last heavy downpour and in one of my more confident moments, I heard a knock on the door and went to open it. Standing before me was our lovely Czech Agent who had turned up unannounced.
She was soaked from head to toe but it didn’t seem to damper her enthusiasm at all. ( This was, after all, a woman who had bought a house in Prague during the Velvet Revolution when she was only 18 and went on to make shed loads of money when the Czech Repubblic stuck its head up over the European Parapets and said ” I want some of that” ) I wasn’t sure why she would do a visit without telling me but it would appear it was only a flying visit and she wanted to get some Weetabix. She had, she said run out and couldnt bear to start her week without her daily four Weetabix. I kid you not. By the way if you note the suitcase she had with her, I want to let you know that the case was empty. Nothing in it. As you can guess, it didnt return home that way
Apparently, although there is a Tesco in Liberec as well as Prague, for some reason, completely unfathomable to her, they have stopped selling Weetabix. So taking the opportunity of a cheap flight she has headed over here to stock up on that and BBQ flavoured crisps. Added to that she likes to buy packs of Minstrels and Doritos. Apparently she gives them out to the children during lessons when they have done well. If she keeps on giving out the fat and carbs then they will very soon all be having to watch their weight. She wont listen though and insists that it is very important her charges keep their energy up whilst studying.
During the summer she bought a little group to our Summer School; offered to be one of our Activity Leaders
( can you guess which one she is from the picture and no I can not confirm what that hand gesticulation is or means…) and when we were doing a Workshop at The Globe ( no less) she interrupted the Guide and started giving out Krispy Kreme donuts. When the guide, who was also running the Midsummer Nights Dream Workshop, at no cheap rate let me tell you, gently asked her to refrain from giving out sugary buns on Shakespeare revered stage, she simply turned around the popped one in his mouth saying that if he took more sugar, he would probably be less grumpy! The floor was silenced….
Anyway back to current mode. She told me she wasn’t stopping as she was only en route to see one of our friends. We had gone to Prague at Easter to see her and enjoy the Ribbon Whipping ( dont ask – just google it!) but ended up taking a short cut home across the mountains. A quick jump from step to step and our friend, Marina, fell and broke both ankles. Not only were we all stranded on the mountainside, where we had gone to admire the view as well as try to get to the Pub by opening time, but we could not get the ambulance to plough its way up the side like a mountain goat. The signal was scarce that high up and nighttime was pulling in. Not many people were wandering by and so we decided that we simply had to carry her down the hill. Even though Marina is only 5ft tall she isn’t a lightweight and four of us ended up carrying her down the hill as much as we could. When we couldnt carry her, we dragged her and after that we just drew breath and started it all again. We eventually got to the side of the road to find the Ambulance parked up and the Para Medics having a fag with two of the locals. They watched us drag her down to the side of the road and then approached. The first words they uttered were ” Insurance” and even though we are all in the EU there was no way on Gods’ fair earth, Easter Day or not, that they were going to attend to her until they had seen her private medical insurance. Poor old Marina, with broken and swollen ankles and having to rummage in her handbag and try to find the Medical cover. Once found the Para Medics discussed it; inspected it; translated it and finally picked her up and plonked her into the ambulance. With a brief inspection they closed the door and was off with her to heaven knows where and left us all looking slightly perplexed on the side of the road.
She ended up having an operation that night. Very satisfactory so she reported and even had a private room. Although fair to say, even if the room was private it still reminded me of a Cell, as the hospital used to be an Asylum. I rest my case….
Marina is now home and on the road to recovery. She told me, she wont be going away with me anytime soon… as if the whole thing was my fault. Ungrateful wretch…
And speaking of ungrateful wretches, Irma, the Panamanian who used to be in love with both Mr Wu ( remember him?) and Farhad is still not speaking to me. I think its currently about 18 months. She has blocked me on WhatsAp and email. Stupid woman…. Latins. You just cant trust them a bit.